Attention readers! Exclusively here and nowhere else (except the wordpress
) for the first time, I present to you the SECRET ORIGIN of MAX POWER and TRENT STEELE.
Int. DAY: SAINT BLARGMATIC'S HOSPITAL
ABOUT TWENTY OR SO YEARS BACK
We open on DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ coaching a PREGNANT MS. STEELE and MR. STEELE (not pregnant, but slightly pudgy).
Close-up on DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ's sweaty face as he shouts.
DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ: Push, Ms. Steele! Push!
Close-up on MS. STEELE.
MS. STEELE: I'm pushing as hard as I can!
Camera pulls back to show that DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ and MS. STEELE are really trying to roll an unusually fat patient out of a hospital bed. They eventually succeed when someone drops a gummy worm outside, and the patient runs to get it. MS. STEELE climbs onto the bed.
DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ: Now, let's get that baby out of you.
DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ drags a large machine from off screen labeled "BABY EXTRACTOR AND PUDDING DISPENSER"
MR. STEELE: What happened to all the shouting and making her push?
DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ: Oh, we don't do that anymore. Now, we get babies AND delicious pudding, or if you prefer, it'll give porridge directly to the local orphanage for ugly children!
MS. STEELE: Can we give pudding to the orphans?
DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ: No! Didn't anyone tell you anything about anything? Orphans, especially ugly ones, explode upon contact with pudding!
MS. STEELE: Well, I guess we'll do the porridge then.
MR. STEELE: But I wanted puuuding!
MS. STEELE: Then we can have another baby later, but now let's give porridge to those homely orphans!
DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ (holding baby): While you two were talking, I went ahead and extracted the baby and gave porridge to the orphans.
MS. STEELE: Yay! Can I hold my baby?
DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ (handing her the baby): Sure. Have you thought of a name?
MR. STEELE: Punchmaster MacVenganceburger!
MS. STEELE: No, we're naming him Trent. Trent Steele.
MR. STEELE: But you got to decide what to do with the pudding!
MS. STEELE: No. His name is Trent. You get to choose the radio station on the way home AND you get to name three of my toes.
MR. STEELE (pouting): Fine.
Cut to YOUNGER MARTHA'S ORPHANAGE FOR UGLY CHILDREN. We see a AVERAGE-LOOKING ORPHAN walking away from the door.
YOUNGER SAINT MARTHA: Sorry, Johnny. You're just not homely enough.
Cries of "Yay! Hospital porridge!" arise from the inside of the building.
And of course, that baby Trent Steele grew up to be PRESIDENT GERALD FORD. The AVERAGE-LOOKING ORPHAN eventually became SAINT MARTHA of SAINT MARTHA'S ORPHANAGE. YOUNGER SAINT MARTHA eventually became the MAX POWER and TRENT STEELE we all know and love. DOCTOR RODRIGUEZ went on to become filled with ZOMBIE ROBOT LEPRECHAUN VELOCIRAPTORS. The UGLY ORPHANS eventually became Polish film director ANDRZEJ WAJDA. MR. AND MS. STEELE eventually retired to the moon with MS. STEELE's toes, Battlecat, Professor Duck, and Steve 2: The Revenge, after shoving one too many beans up their noses during the Great Bean Shortage of the year JXQ7. The beans could not be reached for comment. BABY EXTRACTOR AND PUDDING DISPENSING UNIT FLURP-MILLION eventually became stapler inspecting sensation, INSPECTOR NUMBER KEVIN.